A Million Broken Pieces

For Hanzo Saizho_Amakusa

Sometimes I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
I remember what we've been through
I remember what was said
And I remember
What was done...

A thousand ships I have sailed
A thousand lips, I have sealed
But you, will always be the point
I seem to return to...

I wonder if you ever remembered me
When you woke up in the morning
And when you went to sleep at night...

I wonder if you still remember
The promises you made
The promises you said
Will be kept...

I wonder if you still feel me beside you
If there is still a place for me in your heart
I wonder if you still feel the same way I do
Every single day, that we are apart...

But most of all, I wonder

Why did you leave me behind, with no trace to follow?
No sweet words to comfort my darkest nights
Leaving my heart, dry and hollow?

Why did you go, without saying goodbye?
No chance to even tell, how much you made me cry?
Not even a hint, if the reason you left, was because of me...?

I wonder and I wonder, I ponder on and on
Perhaps I will never know, perhaps it was me, after all...

You went away
And left me to mend the pieces
Of my broken heart...

And yet
Underneath a million of these broken pieces
This heart still yearns for you...

Praying, that somewhere out there
You have found your happiness
You have found what you were looking for
Because I know, it was never me
I would only be in your way...

And so in my dreams
Amidst the faceless crowd
Your face, will always be the angelic face I'll see
The one, who will always have a place
Underneath a million pieces, of my broken heart...


ash komikiwa
9.00 am
11/06/2010
Friday

Bewitched

How funny can some flowers be
To live for a night only
Leaving a hidden beauty
In the memories
Of a million eyes to see

Or would it be better then
To live a thousand years
Alone
In the loneliness
Of a different world

Shall I die this way
With my heart gone astray
Knowing that I cannot be loved
For the curse is upon my soul
Keeping me prisoner
In the icy cold
That I cannot feel
But fear and pain
Every now and again

Come, someone
Break this wicked spell
Shower me with love
And let the flowers
Spread their fragrant odour
On my shadowy figure

For if time should show
That I must go
At least I know

That Cupid has once
Bowed his arrow
On my restless
Bewitched
Soul door...


ash komikiwa
8.30 pm
19/02/2000
Saturday

The One

I saw you

Amidst the faceless crowd
An angelic face
Standing out
Breaking apart
The bottom of my frozen heart

Captured by your eyes
I am caged in the darkest skies
Where silence seems forever
And loneliness is hard to bear
Until I found my wings
In the smile
Of your cherry lips

Blown away to the moon
Where the colorful roses bloom
At each of your tenderness
And your sweet loving caress

And now I once again know
My love is not a shadow anymore...


ash komikiwa
8.30 pm
Tech Whye Lane
Singapore

Puzzles

There are some questions
Haunting the chosen souls
Each passing day
Lingering in this polluted air
And won't go away

There are some puzzles
That even the greatest heart
Could not answer

Why is it much more easier
To destroy, than to nurture
To abandon, than to care
To kill, than to spare

To take, than to give
To avenge, than to forgive
To hurt, than to heal
To pretend, than to be real

To insult, than to give credit
To blame, than to admit
To argue, than to tolerate
To condemn, than to appreciate

To speak, than to listen
To judge, than to understand
And most of all
To hate, than to love...


ash komikiwa
7.27 pm
18/02/2000
Friday

My Journey

I am a confused person
Living in a confused world
The lunatics are freed
The sane ones are imprisoned

Where do I belong
In this world
Made of stone?

Who am I, brother?
Why are you staring at me?
Am I an alien
Inebriated by my own verbosity?

Who are you, mister?
Are you just a plain figure
Trying to hide the real you
Or maybe you're a devil
Disguising behind your sweet charming smile?

Burn me
With your teeth of indifference
But I shall remain unshaken
With my belief
Of the way
I live my life

Lay me a color
But I shall choose
Black and white
To accompany my journey
Would you care then
To join me?


ash komikiwa
December 99

If God Were To Speak

Have I not told you
That all my words are true
For you are not alone
In this world
Made of stone

The tiny leaf
The mountain's peak
I am there
You just never seem to care

Every breath you take
Each step you make
I am watching you
You just never knew

Come, my little ones
Let me hold you in my arms
Be not afraid
As you are not alone
For I
Would never leave you on your own

But if you must still then
Retain your trust
And let your love be found in dust
Then search deeply within your heart
And you will find
That I have never left you
From the start...


ash komikiwa
3.20 pm
3/09/1999
Friday

Apathy

How real was the fear
That I chose not to hear
How strong was the reason
That I refused to listen

How big was the gap
That I decided not to help
How many secrets did I not know
That I was such a fool to ignore

How deep was the cut
That made his world fell apart
How red was the blood
That was bleeding from his heart

Why were my arms so cold
When he really needed to be hold
Why did I go away
When he really wanted me to stay

Why was I being so blind
That I could not read his mind
Why must he took his life
For me to finally realize

That I must fight this apathy
Which is slowly
Killing everybody...


ash komikiwa
12.40 pm
16/02/2000
Wednesday

Fallen Angel

I saw an angel today
With broken wings
He said

'Pray for me, my friend
'Let me fly back to heaven
And leave this world of confusion'

'How so?'
I asked

'Your air is greed
Your blood is money
Your hunger is power
And your desire is lust

But you
Do not even realize
That in the eyes of God
You are only
A spect of dust'

I felt insulted
So I shouted

'Are you really an angel
Or just a disguising devil?’

With a sarcastic smile
The angel said

'Poor you
And all this while
I thought you knew'

Suddenly
From inside the mirror
Which all this time
I chose to ignore
I saw the angel
Reflecting a face
I know completely

Me...


ash komikiwa
12.45 pm
18/02/2000
Friday

The Day I Died

Dead bodies sprawled everywhere
Blood spurted here and there
Screaming, shotguns and bombs on the air
But Lord
I did not bother to care...

On the ground I stood proudly
Hallelujah brother!
I am the best soldier!
Can you hear me?

But suddenly...
Something tugged at my slack
A hand too small to fight back
Her chest was bleeding badly
Her eyes begging me for mercy...

Unspoken words
Indescribable pain
I could almost hear her
Asking me now and again...

'Why?
Why this war?
Why must we go this far?'

As the little girl took her last breath
After struggling hard
I felt an arrow
Ingrained deeply in my heart...

Though on that night
She passed away
But it was I
Who died, that day...


ash komikiwa
13/2/2000
6.38 pm
Sunday

With Tears And Blood

*Is love a thick and boisterous thing?
And it pricks like thorn?*

My love…
The pain keeps haunting me
Deep inside my heart
That I’m wounded
Every moment of my life

For I feel you in my blood
I feel you in my pulse
You’re in my eyes
You are my paradise…

Watching you from a distance
Stealing a glance whenever possible
Every step you make
Every breath you take
I’m there
You just never care…

If it’s a sin to love you
Then shoot me with Cupid’s arrow
So I will never be able to love anyone else
For the rest of my remaining days…

Forgive me
While I’m trying hard to mend my pain
Knowing that I’m nothing
Beside you…

Let me carve your name
With tears and blood from my broken heart
For if this is fate
Then let me cry
And heal my pain
In silent…


ash komikiwa

* Excerpts (Shakespeare - Romeo & Juliet)

Seorang Suami Dan Sekeping Dinding Kaca

Seorang suami sangat menghargai
Benteng dari permata yang mengelilingi rumahnya
Namun suatu ketika
Selera suami berubah
Ingin memiliki sehelai permaidani sakti
Yang khabarnya
Bisa membawa sang pemilik terbang di langit tinggi

Lantas benteng permata
Diubah menjadi sekeping dinding kaca
Retak
Mengalirkan cecair merah
Darah…

Pun begitu
Seorang suami yang leka menguruskan jual beli permaidani
Tidak pernah ambil peduli
Keteguhan sekeping dinding kaca
Yang masih berusaha melindunginya

Sehinggalah suatu ketika
Permaidani dibeli
Dibawa pulang ke rumah
Dan sekeping dinding kaca yang retak berdarah
Hilang keteguhannya
Lalu jatuh, pecah berderai

Seorang suami ternganga
Seolah baru bangun dari tidurnya
Tapi terlambat untuk menyedari
Bahawa kesetiaan sekeping dinding kaca lebih bererti
Dari sehelai permaidani sakti
Yang kesahihannya belum terbukti

Tinggallah penyesalan seorang suami
Terkatung-katung sendiri
Bersama permaidani
Dan seekor kucing betina menyeringai ngeri
Menjadi saksi…


ash komikiwa

Malaikat Yang Jatuh

Demi mu di syurga
Pernah ku potong tangan
Ku tanam sayap menjadi malaikat
Hingga sang dewa murka
Lantas menghumban ku ke gurun sahara…

Untuk seteguk air
Ku pijak serpihan kaca
Yang bertaburan di sana…

Untuk seberkas api
Ku genggam ketulan bara
Yang sengaja dibakar
Membuat wajah ku menjadi arang…

Apabila yang tinggal hanya dada
Ku belah ia menjadi hadiah
Namun seisi syurga tertawa
Melihat aku yang bermimpi
Menjadi penghuni di langit tinggi…

Bagai iblis derhaka
Ku tentang mata sang dewa
Namun cinta ku lebur di syurga
Saat aku jatuh ke bumi
Hampir mati
Dan kau tak peduli…

Lalu ku pilih jalan ini
Kerna aku mengerti kini
Menjadi setan yang jujur
Adalah lebih bermakna
Dari menjadi malaikat di syurga
Tapi penuh pura-pura…


ash komikiwa

Demi Separuh Nafas Ku

Aku ingin meluahkan
Tentang segala cinta di jiwa
Tapi semua bahasa di bumi
Membunuh diri
Saat mengetahui
Cinta terlalu kejam menguasai

Tika kau renung mata ini
Ku belah tapak tangan dengan belati
Setiap titik darah yang gugur
Adalah air mata
Tumbuh menjadi bebunga liar
Yang kau kutip di jalanan

Biarkan pedang itu tertusuk
Jauh ke hati
Kerna kalau kau cabut
Aku akan mati

Tapi andai kau tetap ingin aku mati
Hidangkan secangkir kopi beracun
Ku hirup penuh nikmat

Demi separuh nafasku
Yang berada dalam genggamanmu

Aku rela…


ash komikiwa

Bulan

Pernah
Kau pancarkan cahaya purnama
Dari luar angkasa
Hingga aku hampir gila
Dalam merengkuh cinta

Hanya untuk mengintip
Ku terbang ke langit
Luka sayap ku bawa berlari
Dan darah berciciran di bumi

Tiba-tiba
Sang angin berkata
'Terimalah hakikat
Kau hanya pungguk
Yang takkan pernah mampu memikat…'

Duhai…
Aku lebur bagai phoenix
Yang takkan bangkit kembali…

Bulan
Bisakah kau matikan segala rasa ini
Kerna aku masih perih
Mendengar melodi
Yang tak mungkin aku miliki…


ash komikiwa